What Not To Do At A Funeral – From the Funeral Director.
Trust me we have seen it all, so we thought you might like to know what not to do at a funeral. If you are reading this, we know you are not “One of those” people.
So here goes – the top ten funeral No-Nos!
1. Turn Off Your Mobile Phone
This is the first of the Top Ten Funeral No-Nos. Turn off your mobile phone – Or at least put it on silent. It is just straight out, plain rude for your phone to ring while the grieving are reading the eulogy, in the middle of a prayer or as the coffin is being lowered. Let me tell you, some ring tones are just shocking, from the antiquated polka tune to the latest “Baby Baby I want you” song on iTunes. Not good.
And in addition…
Don’t go checking Facebook, messages, snapchat, emails or playing games on your phone while you are in the service. Seriously, if you can’t control the urge, and you think you have better things to do, you probably should not be there. And… put a lid on the SELFIES!
2. Do Not Turn Up Late
It is far better to be early. There is nothing worse that walking into a funeral service just as it is about to finish. You are paying your respects and attending to share your condolences with the family. As a sign of respect, turn up on time.
3. Do Not Race To Sit In The Front Row
The front pews are for immediate family. If you are not the next of kin please leave the front rows of the ceremony for the next of kin. If there is a reserved sign on the seat, it is there for a reason.
4. Do Not Ask What They Died Of
Why do you need to know that anyway. If you are not the next of kin, quite frankly, it is none of your business. We will not tell you, we cannot tell you, mind your own business and don’t ask us.
5. What Not To Wear
A funeral service is not the time to make a bold fashion statement and be the centre of attention. Unless a certain type of attire is requested, like “wear bright colours” – wear something tasteful, neat and tidy. And yes – Please wear something if you get my drift! I know we shouldn’t have to say that, but, from experience, sadly, we do.
6. Don’t Forget To Sign The Memorial Book
This is one we probably have all been guilty of. We understand that sometimes you get distracted, but please remember to sign the condolence or memorial book. The family have purchased a memorial signing book because they want to know the names of the people who attended the service. They may not get the opportunity to see everyone that attended the service. Just to know that you were there brings them great comfort.
7. Don’t Waffle On
Aside from the main eulogy and personal remembrances from the next of kin, often there is a time of tributes. If you have been asked to speak at the service or there is an open time of tributes, take a moment to think about what you want to say. Mention the deceased name, how you know them, a character quality that connected you to them and finally your condolences to the family. Keep it brief, as there are others that would also like to share. If you have been asked to speak, write it down. This will help.
8. No Fighting
The funeral service is not the time to have a slinging match or fist fight. Keep your jacket on boys. Hold your tongue ladies. You may have some long lasting family feud, but please keep a lid on it until after the funeral. Also, keep in mind we are funeral directors, not security guards or the armed forces. Our job is to provide funeral care.
9. Do not say these things to the grieving
They are in a better place now – I know how you feel – It was meant to be
Sayings like these cliches do not bring comfort.
A simple hug – I am thinking of you – My sincere condolences
These are better choices.
10. Do Not Disrupt Another Service
If you are at the cemetery or crematorium, there will be other services booked in during the day. Respect their booking time. Don’t talk loudly outside the chapel or around the graveside if another service is running. Give them the respect and dignity they deserve.